According to the CHP, a refrigerator truck carrying Coors Beer caught fire on the Bay Bridge around 1 o’clock in the afternoon yesterday. Officer Shawn Chase reported that the truck’s tire blew out and since the driver did not notice this, he continued to drive. The fire was ignited by metal rim scraping against the pavement resulting in flames on the eastbound lanes.
Chase said “The driver was not injured, nor were any of the other drivers.” However, the Bay Bridge was shut down on both the Eastbound and Westbound lanes while the fire fighters worked to put out the fire. Drivers in the eastbound lanes were stranded in their cars for 45 minutes waiting to see what the traffic was about. The accident also caused many other backed up highways in the Bay Area.
By 2 o’clock, fire fighters were able to put out the fire completely, reopening all of the westbound and some eastbound lanes. The rest of the afternoon was spent clearing the road of the burnt truck which took almost four hours to complete.
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"According to the CHP" is not an engaging way to start a news story. Start with the beer truck catching on fire instead -- much more interesting.
ReplyDeleteKeep your lead to one sentence, 25-30 words. You've got the basics: what happened, where and when (check AP style on the time: "1 o’clock in the afternoon" is not correct). But I'd add a clause about "causing traffic tie-ups on Bay Area freeways." That speaks to the impact and newsworthiness of this incident.
Make your explanation of how the accident happened your second paragraph.
Fact error: You do not have a direct quote from Officer Chase, so don't make one up. I'd put the "no injuries" info later in the story -- not that exciting.
Don't capitalize eastbound and westbound -- they're not proper names. Otherwise, your P2 and P3 work pretty well.
0/20 (fact error) -- please revise and republish