Summary/Hard News Lead
In North Carolina, a woman sued her ex-husband’s new wife accusing the woman of ending her 19 year marriage to the man. Yesterday, the Greensboro jury settled with their verdict and awarded $1 million in the woman’s favor.
Feature-Style Lead
In North Carolina, a woman sued her ex-husband’s new wife accusing the woman of ending her 19 year marriage to the man. Yesterday, the case was settled and the Greensboro jury delivered their verdict in the plaintiff’s favor.
Susie Jones was married to her husband for 19 years until Ms. Smith became the new secretary at Mr. Jones’s office. Witnesses recall Mr. Jones and Ms. Smith going on frequent business trips together and therefore beginning their relationship while he was still married. Ms. Jones has sued Ms. Smith for robbing her of her marriage and wants to serve justice to the woman who stole her husband.
After seven days, the jury has decided to grant the plaintiff Susie Jones $1 million for suffering losses in her marriage.
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Better. 5+2.5=7.5/10
ReplyDelete"In North Carolina" doesn't create a very interesting start to your lead. I'd start with: A North Carolina woman sued ...
19-year marriage (hyphenate a compound adjective)
Also, you don't need to repeat the "19 years" info in graph 2.