Summary/Hard News Lead
Seven days ago, the Greensboro jury bestowed the verdict of the case between plaintiff Susie Jones and defendant Mary Smith. Ms. Jones sued Ms. Smith for participating in infidelity with Mr. Joseph Jones, her ex-husband. Ms. Smith was Mr. Joness' secretary and witnesses spoke up about their sudden business trips together while he was still married to Ms. Jones. The court ruled in the plaintiff's favor and awarded her $1 million as a settlement.
Feature-Style Lead
Susie Jones is suing her ex-husbands secretary Mary Smith for cheating with him. The couple was married for 19 years. Witnesses remember Mr. Jones and Ms. Smith going on business trips together. Ms. Jones doesn't want revenge. She wants to serve justice to the woman who stole her husband. Susie Jones was awarded $1 million by the Greensboro, North Carolina jury.
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Whoa, you're trying to tell me the whole story in one gargantuan lead! TMI! That doesn't work.
ReplyDeleteFor your summary/hard news lead, think 5Ws/1H and ask yourself what's most newsworthy. I'd say it's that a North Carolina woman won $1 million in an alienation of affection lawsuit against her former husband's new wife (for your lead, you'll also need to fit in when [assume yesterday] and where. Then you'd explain all the rest in subsequent paragraphs (which you don't have to do for this assignment, BTW).
You're doing the same thing in your feature lead. You need to take a different approach. I've just added some links to feature lead info and examples on the Resources page of the 100w class blog. Please check them out and then try again.
5/10 - please revise and republish